Considerably less shiny

I realized yesterday that my children and I had spent every single day and night of the whole summer together.

Eighty two days and nights.  Seemingly endless hours in each other's physical and emotional space.

Sadly, the better part of my emotional landscape this summer was wrought with fatigue, frustration and discouragement.  I am sure all the kids were duly delighted to be sharing that space with me.

I have always yearned to know each of my four kids deeply, to understand their individual hearts and dreams in order that I can love and guide them best.  But, this was the summer that I became known to my children.

I couldn't hide.  I couldn't go for a run.  I couldn't preach or teach or plan a party.  The four Hall offspring saw their mother in a new light, and it wasn't pretty.

They observed my heart at it's driest, witnessed my peevishness, felt my ugly ungratefulness and patted my back while I struggled not to cry.  I must have asked for forgiveness a hundred times and they were always quick to give it.  A choked "please forgive me" opening my human heart's dam to a river of grace from the ones I love the most.

Like the velveteen rabbit, I'm considerably less shiny and significantly more worn as a result of this summer.  My heart has been unnervingly exposed to my family for the sinful mess that it has always been, and unbelievably, I am known, and I am loved anyway.  

How amazing is Grace?


Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, who sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord doesn't count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.  (Psalm 32:1-2).